Dating Tips for Shy Guys – 7 Quick Wins to Help You Get the Girl

Dating tips for shy guys - a shy guy looking at a girl in a cafe

Dating tips for shy guys - a shy guy looking at a girl in a cafe

YOU HAVE A GIRL YOU ARE seriously crushing on, but you cannot muster the courage to get up and meet her. Instead you:

  • Try to figure out if the guy standing to her is her boyfriend
  • Start thinking of an opening line to say to her
  • Get nervous at the thought of looking stupid in front of your friends or getting shot down in front of hers
  • Fear that she will ignore you or worse still, reject you

And then after all the hesitation, guess what happens? The window of opportunity closes, and she goes off somewhere. You are left very frustrated……. until it happens again next time.

The Misconception

A lot of shy guys have a misconception about what it truly means to be an alpha male. Instead of trusting their gut, they have succumbed to their doubts and fears.

“I am broke, short, and ugly. People do not find me interesting.”

Rather than focusing on all their great qualities, shy guys focus only on the negatives. As a result, a guy will keep to himself, hoping to avoid being the center of attention. Unfortunately, even though the guy may have many desirable qualities, they are buried under the layers of his shyness.

The truth of the matter is that you have a lot of offer

So what if you…

  • Do not open up to every person you meet?
  • Don’t compete with other guys just so that you can get your point across?
  • Only open up in the right situation?
  • Are hesitant to jump into a conversation until you have something worthwhile to say?

It’s more normal/average/common than you think

And there is nothing wrong with you.

Being shy is not your identity. It is just one part of who you are. Being shy should not curb your aspirations to date a woman. In fact being shy can sometimes be an asset. You just have to learn how to make it work for you.

Your ‘weakness’ can be your greatest asset. Not every woman is attracted to an arrogant, cocky man.

7 Quick Wins and Dating Tips for Shy Guys

1. Realize that women are just people

Guys place so much pressure on themselves and worry too much about how a girl will perceive them.

When you feel your nerves starting to get the better of you, remind yourself that women are just people. You can be sure that the girl is experiencing a lot of the same insecurities as you and she is just as worried about what you think of her. Do not overthink everything.

Also, there is something surprising about women that you may not know:

They are incredibly forgiving of lame jokes, slips, and blunders…….. As long as they are having fun talking to you. Women do not want perfect; they want fun. So, loosen up and allow yourself room to be less than perfect.

Dating tips for shy guys - a shy guy talking to a girl in a cafe

2. Stack the odds in your favor

Finding and approaching a woman is incredibly difficult for a shy guy. It, therefore, helps if you stack the odds in your favor. Ensure your first impression is impressive.

A woman will notice how you are groomed and how you wear your clothes. Wearing nice clothes also goes a long way in boosting your confidence.

Also, spruce up your wardrobe. You do not have to spend a fortune to look stylish. A few smart casual pieces will improve your wardrobe. Oh, and remember, women always pay attention to your shoes. Always wear something that makes you feel good about yourself rather than what you think every other guy out there is wearing.

3. Play a game you can win

Going to meet girls in clubs is stacking all the decks against you. Why? Women in clubs and bars are hit on all night. Besides, they have their friends in tow. As a result, they are likely to reject a guy who tries to approach them.

Try to meet women in other places: You can try volunteering, attend weddings and other church-related functions or attend your friends’ parties. The point is to minimize competition and increase your confidence.

4. Find common interests

The easiest way to approach a woman is to find common interests. Shared interests take the focus off your attraction and place it somewhere else. The best way to link up with girls with whom you share common interests is to join clubs and groups. When you are in a club or group, doing something you enjoy, you will find it easier to strike up a conversation.

5. Read her signals

Wouldn’t it be nice to know if she is interested in you or not before you approach and start talking to her? Wouldn’t you rather approach a girl already knowing that she has an interest in getting to know you?

We have already established that there are women who like shy guys. However, no matter how much she likes you, a girl will almost never come up and ask for your number.

Unfortunately, it does not work like that.

(She’s testing you to see how much interest you have in her, and she want’s you to prove that by giving her all of your attention – in the form of talking to her)

But if you know what to look out for, a woman will give you subtle signals to show you that she is interested in you.

Unfortunately, research by National Institute of Mental Health shows that men confuse romantic signals of interest with signals of friendship 70% of their time. Research shows that the male brain is simply not hard-wired to pick up on a woman’s subtle cues.

That means you have been walking away from women who are trying to show interest in you

The Signs that a woman is interested in you:

  • She is making ‘long’ eye contact.
  • If you already know each other, she will look for excuses to touch you: a light touch on your hand shoulder and chest. A playful slap on the thigh.
  • She is smiling at you with her eyes.
  • If in a crowded place she will even bump into you by accident to get you to notice her.
  • She constantly places herself close to you: within an earshot or a shoulder tap.

6. Change your outcome

Many guys approach a woman with the intention of getting her phone number, getting a date or making her their girlfriend. They psyche themselves up and become too dependent on the outcome. When things do not go according to plan, the disappointment is astronomical.

But, what if you changed your expectation? What if you focus your mind on building your skills with women? If the woman slips, you will have gained some experience out of the interaction.

Also, since your intention is no longer to get together with the girl, you will appear less needy and, consequently, you will become more attractive.

When you finally score a date with the girl of your dreams do not expect perfection. Do not go out for a date with unrealistic expectations. Your goal should be to have fun together. In due time, you gain the confidence to express your feelings for her.

7. Change the way you view rejection

Many guys make a woman’s response to them to mean something about them personally. If a woman rejects them, they interpret it to mean that they are unattractive and undesirable.

The truth:

  • She may have a boyfriend.
  • She is not interested in meeting new people at this stage of her life.
  • You may not be her type.

When a woman rejects you, it is nothing personal. Be grateful for her feedback: whether it is positive or negative. After all, she doesn’t know you, right?

Finally, consider the following facts

Shyness is not an attribute that you need to distance yourself from. Shyness is humility and modesty and to some women, sexiness.

What you say when you are with a girl doesn’t matter much. Worry less about your words. Focus on your tone. Speak in a positive energy and women will appreciate all you have to say.


Do not avoid social situations. The only way to make them less awkward is to practice them……again and again and again

You can learn social skills. Do not spend time lamenting your weakness: people skills are just that: skills, they can be learned. Do not berate yourself for not having them. Instead set about trying to learn them. There are many resources available for you to learn social skills; starting with the internet.

Thanks for reading this article on dating tips for shy guys. If you have any comments or questions, you can contact me here.