MAYBE SHE IS…
- A friend of a friend
- Someone you have seen around at school or work
- Or a gorgeous girl you have just seen strolling by the beach
You psych yourself up, find the courage to approach her and initiate a conversation…
You get off to a good start: she is receptive, she is smiling and nodding.
However, a few minutes in, you can feel the energy plateau. And just like that, she excuses herself saying that she is waiting for a friend and she has to make a call.
What just happened?
Flirting is a low-risk method of initiating a conversation with a girl you are attracted to. The goal here is for her to want to spend more time with you. Flirting does this by being fun, playful and creating an enjoyable experience.
A side benefit is that flirting creates sexual tension which can make the girl instantly attracted to you.
It also communicates that you are confident, trustworthy and have something to offer, which is essential.
The art of flirting
A guy who has mastered flirting has the ability to seduce a girl without saying a word.
To flirt successfully, there are two conversations taking place simultaneously: the verbal and nonverbal. Many guys fail at flirtation because they emphasize on the verbal, while it is the nonverbal that is more important.
Did you know: Flirting is also crucial for long-lasting relationships?
Flirting is not only helpful in initiating dating, but it also helps partners to remain interesting to each other. It also helps to avoid getting trapped in a rut even after they have been in a relationship for a long time.
If you want to hone your flirting skills, consider the following suggestions.
Approach the girl
This may seem like an easy step, but it is where many guys fail.
Approaching the girl is the most challenging part of initiating contact. Some guys get stuck in their head, and instead of psyching themselves up, they end up thinking about all the reasons why the girl may not want to talk to them.
So, before you can convince yourself otherwise, you just have to walk up to the girl.
The safest way to approach
How do you determine whether the girl is open to your approach?
Make eye contact with her, and smile a couple of times. If she reciprocates, she is giving you an invitation to come over. You can then walk up to her.
In any case, approach her anyway. You have nothing to lose. A few words and a few minutes are all you need to know if she is interested in you or not.
If you are interested in a girl, you want to make sure you do not give off any signs of nervousness or discomfort.
Ensure your body is relaxed, your hands are visible, and your demeanor is pleasant. Bear in mind that you can say a lot with your body language, so ensure you say all the right things.
Above all, learn how to create sexual tension with body language.
The basic technique of any flirting is eye contact. Eye contact is a strong gesture, it can communicate many different things: trust, charisma, loyalty, contempt.
When you meet a girl’s gaze, do not lower your eyes; look at her for a while and then look away. A good rule of the thumb for eye contact is 1-2 seconds before looking away.
You can also use the ‘staring competition’ tactic. This happens when you are flirting with a girl, and you look into her eyes, and then she happens to look at you, and your eyes meet up. The question is: who will look away first?
You should not be the one to look away first; this is a sign of submission. But as soon as she looks away, break the eye contact as well or you will appear creepy.
Smiling is one of the easiest ways to make a girl know that you are interested in her. However, some experts indicate that a huge, gleaming, pearly, white smile might communicate desperation.
They instead recommend a smirk. A smirk is the standard smile’s seductive brother. Remember, everything you do must have a sexual undertone. You want to be James Bond, not Jim Carrey.
The touch is one of the most powerful forms of romantic communication. You must calibrate your touch depending on the emotional distance between you and the girl.
Touch ranges from a handshake, a pat on the shoulder, a light push, a hug from the side, to a full hug. So, look for opportunities to touch the girl lightly, sometimes accidentally.
Some examples are:
- Shake hands when you first introduce yourself
- Place your hands on her arms to gently move her because someone is passing
- Tap her arm lightly when sharing a laugh
- Put your hand on her lower back while guiding her through ahead of you
- Push her if she teases you back
Give the girl compliments
Giving a girl compliments is one of the easiest ways of flirting with her. An effective compliment simply means picking something that you like about the girl and telling her you to like it. All you need to do is to ensure that you are genuine about it.
- I saw you over here and just had to tell you that I like your style.
(Revealing that you noticed the girl will make her feel good about herself and like you more)
- Your eyes are gorgeous.
(This one will work best if you say it with enthusiasm and excitement)
- I love your jacket.
(This is a good one for initiating touch. Touching her arm lightly is a safe option)
The trick to giving compliments is to avoid being too generous with them because then you will not sound sincere. Also, ensure your compliments are not generic.
Teasing the girl
One of the most efficient ways to get a girl’s attention is by teasing her. However, ensure that you do not go overboard or the girl will feel insulted.
- Are you trying to break the world shopping record?
- Your fur coat made me think of a bear……… did you kill it yourself?
- I like your smile, but I think you have something in your teeth (only use when she has something in her teeth)
- You’re from Canada? Is it true that Canadians keep a bottle of maple syrup on them at all times?
The secret with teasing a girl is not even what you say, as much as how you say it.
If you are not sure you can deliver teases neatly, avoid them altogether. Otherwise, she might find them insulting
Flip the ‘frame’
In the natural progression of relationships, the guy is supposed to chase the girl and prove to her that he is worthy of being chosen by her. But these days it’s important that you also see yourself as the ‘prize’.
Increase your value and make the girl qualify herself; of course, all this is done in a flirt.
For instance, you can invite the girl over for a movie and popcorn but only if she promises not to touch you.
This may appear to be counter-intuitive, but it works very well because you communicate with a girl that she needs to work for you because you are ‘of value’.
- You look like trouble!
- You are not one of those stalker types: are you?
- Let us take this slowly…. I do not want to get hurt.
- Hey, my eyes are up here *point to face*. (For when you catch her looking down – even at the ground)
Bridging (the new ‘close’)
Closing is what salespeople call going in for the sale. And some dating experts call going for the phone number ‘a close’.
But the truth is that you never really ‘close’ in relationships. Closing is finishing and you want to see her again (otherwise you probably wouldn’t be reading this). So instead you want to create a bridge to the next interaction
If everything has gone according to plan up to this point, the girl is probably waiting for you to ask for her number. Go ahead and do exactly that.
This is important! It lets her know that you are genuinely interested. She also thinks of it as testing your reliability.
If you are feeling good about the interaction you will have no problem asking for her number:
- Tell her you enjoyed the interaction but you have to leave
- Tell her that you should do this again sometime
- Ask for her number / or suggest a date
Maggie, this has been so much fun, and we should do it again sometime, but I have to leave … I just need your number before I go. Smile.
The best way I found was to bring up things that I or she likes doing or am going to do in the near future.
If I found that the topic of running was one we both clicked with, then I would maybe find out what time of the week she runs. Then I’d invite her to do it together. In a fun, flirty way.
- ‘We should run together, I’m always looking for someone to hold my drink bottle.’
- ‘I think I would run better with someone chasing me’
Don’t base your invitation around advice. Either asking for or giving her advice when you are bridging.
Women don’t like that. It’s more of a man thing. Instead, as in the examples, let her know that time with you will be full of fun and adventure.
Like any other skill, flirtation demands practice. The more you flirt, the more your confidence grows. You do not have to wait to flirt with girls that you are attracted to. Whenever the opportunity arises, walk up to a woman, make contact, talk to her for a bit and watch your confidence grow.
You are also making the world a better place, one smile at a time.
With time, you will realize that you can be yourself in the presence of a gorgeous woman, and not only have a conversation with her but also flirt your way to attraction. Happy flirting!