How to Approach a Woman – The 7 Traits of a Successful Single Man

How to approach a girl - A girl

How to approach a girl - A girl sitting at a resteraunt

“HOW DO I APPROACH A WOMAN?” IS  probably the most common question asked by single guys everywhere.

The answer to successfully approaching a woman exists in your attitude.

And when I say attitude, I also mean your mindset/outlook/ethos.

It is your attitude when trying to attract a woman that determines how much success you will have. And this is where many guys go wrong; they try to figure out the appropriate pickup line, the perfect body language, or the classic joke.

Forget all that.

The only thing that matters when approaching a woman you like is your attitude. Develop the right attitude, and it will not matter how old, broke, fat, or intelligent you are.

As long as you have the wrong attitude: you think she is better than you, you feel that you do not deserve her, and doubt your abilities to attract her, you stand no chance.

Now is the time to get into the right mindset, get out there, and start meeting those remarkable women.

1. Confidence

Confidence is a strong presence and purpose in a guy that is often contagious.

Scientifically, confidence plays into women’s desire to want to mate with the leader of a pack. When a guy is confident, he makes those around him feed off his energy and feel empowered. Confidence draws girls in because it communicates that you are a guy worth liking.

The girl wants you to take the lead, but you cannot lead without confidence. If you have ever asked a girl ‘Where would you like to go?’ Most probably, you received the answer, ‘I don’t know. Why don’t you pick somewhere?’ In other words, she wants you to lead, even if she will probably never tell you.

Women want a man who can make plans and reach a decision. Even if she disagrees with your decision, she will tell you, but she will always respect that you take the lead.

From asking the girl out to making a move, to initiating sex… it will be your job to lead.

Remember, fortune respects the bold.

2. Conviction

Conviction is powerful. When you are approaching a girl, you must believe that you deserve her and you can win her over. Many guys are very good at coming up with excuses not to approach attractive girls:

  • She probably has a boyfriend.
  • She’s out of my league
  • I don’t want to make a fool of myself
  • She is probably sick of guys hitting on her

If you are not convinced that you can win girls over, you will always stand in the way of meeting amazing women.

There a huge difference between thinking, ‘I am the prize’ and ‘I am not good enough for the girl.’

One writer noted that the men of the previous generations when narrating how they met their wives always say something like:

“I noticed her in a local charity event in the neighborhood. I had never seen her before, but she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She just lit up the room. I knew there, and then that I was going to marry her……’

This is the conviction that we are talking about. Having this kind of self-assurance that you are worthy of the girl is great. It gives you the confidence that you need to approach any girl and tell her how you feel.

3. Respect

Many guys think that women want to be with bad guys, but they could not be further from the truth. Girls are attracted to a man who shows them respect.

Some guys are yet to realize that yelling across the street, grabbing girls to dance and harassing them in public does not earn their attraction.

In fact here are some counter-intuitive ways that will show her you respect her and get her attention…


When you approach a girl, apologize for bothering her before you say anything else. “Pardon me for interrupting…” “Excuse me, but…”

Introduce yourself

The next step is to introduce yourself so that she knows who you are. Do not launch into a speech you have planned before at least introducing yourself. “My name is Tom and I ….”

Choose your compliments wisely

The easiest way to make a girl feel insulted is by commenting on her body. Choose you compliments wisely otherwise, you will end up sounding like a jerk and offending the girl.

TIP – Comment on something she has done/chosen/earned. “I couldn’t help but notice the way you…”

Accept her decision

At any point during your interaction with a girl, you may be met with resistance. If she says no, do not be rude or mean about it. Tell her it was nice meeting her and be on your way.

Approach a woman with respect because if she respects herself, she is not going to accept anything less from you.

4. Mystery

Mystery brings excitement, uncertainty, and anticipation. Do not be a predictable guy doing what every other guy out there is doing. Be spontaneous and add some mystery to your ways.

If you are mysterious, it also eliminates the risk of coming across as needy or desperate. Surprising the girl with unexpected gestures will make her attracted to you.

Also, do not lay it all on the table during your first meeting with a girl. Keep a little to yourself so that you can intrigue her and make her want to know more about you. You should always send the message that there is more to you than meets the eye.

5. Loyalty

Many guys cannot keep themselves from flirting with every girl around them. You are eyeing a particular girl, and yet you are flirting with other women around her. What message are you sending her? That you are not ready for a committed relationship; that you are addicted to the attention; you are selfish, and you will neglect her in future?

How to approach a woman - Many girls at the bar

Do not show attention to other women

If you are clearly interested in a girl, do not give any attention to other women. When a girl realizes that you have eyes only for her, she cannot resist.

You can interact and socialize with other women but if there is a girl you like around, ensure that she gets the message that you only have eyes for her.

If you clearly send this message you can make her feel like the sexiest woman in the room, and she will definitely be interested in you:

  • Do not look other women up and down in front of her.
  • Do not watch other girls walk away
  • Ensure she is an integral part of the conversation
  • Acknowledge her more than the other women around.

6. Authenticity

Unfortunately, a lot of information out there on how to attract women is based on playing games. However, the games always end up more hurtful than attractive and women have become attuned to whether you are being yourself or not.

A girl will be more attracted to you when she is assured of not falling in love with a man who turns out completely different once he feels like he has her in his grip.

7. Patience

Many guys do not know how to hold back their desire for a girl. They come on entirely too strong too fast. They want to speed up their romantic and sexual encounters. Unfortunately, women are more process-oriented, and they are keen on the dates, conversations, and emotions.

Experts say that a guy can decide if he wants to have sex with a girl within a few seconds and he immediately shifts into finish line mode. Girls, on the other hand, take time to decide if they like a man because they take a lot of things into consideration.

In the initial stages, a girl just wants to have a good time. If you throw too much affection too fast, too soon, you will scare her off.

Take your time to ensure a girl is comfortable with you and feels secure before you can broach the subject of intimacy. Your interaction will be more meaningful when you allow it to develop organically.


Have the attitude that you are taking a risk, like others that you have taken in other areas of your life. No guy goes ten for ten when approaching women.

This attitude will help you not to take rejection as a judgment on you as a person. If you allow rejection to shatter your self-esteem, you will never find that special woman.

So this is the right attitude when approaching a woman: it is a risk and rejection has nothing to do with you.

It is not your fault. It was probably bad timing, or she was having a bad day, or you probably resembled her nasty boyfriend (Yes, it could happen). Expecting success all the time is setting yourself up for emotional paralysis.

If you are after more information, here is what you can say to a girl you just met, and a few quick tips for shy guys when it comes to meeting women.

I hope this article has answered some of your questions on how to approach a woman.

What to Say to a Beautiful Woman You Just Met & Examples You Can Use

man and woman meeting at a park bench

What to Say to a Beautiful Woman - man and woman meeting at a park bench

WOULDN’T IT BE NICE TO KNOW the perfect thing to say to a beautiful woman?

Unfortunately, flirting does not come naturally to all guys. Many lack something to say, while some do not even know where to start. Others overthink it, and by the time they gather their thoughts, she has already moved on.

It is not easy, but it isn’t hard either

Approaching women might seem like it requires some complex strategies and carefully selected pickup lines.

But really, you just need a little bit of faith in yourself and some confidence. If you are crushing on a girl, you do not have to tell her things that are over the top, elaborate and rehearsed. A relaxed, casual attitude is the key to a positive first impression.

The mistake you make before you even start

Your mindset: Pedestal-izing

Most of the times, a guy will have trouble talking to a girl he has just met because feels like the girl is too beautiful, almost perfect, and, therefore, much better than he is. He places the girl on a pedestal way above himself, and then convinces himself that he needs some special approach talking to this girl.

This mindset is most inaccurate, and it will always fail you. Anytime you see a gorgeous girl that you like you will feel anxious and become clumsy around her. As a result, you will unconsciously drive away girls that you are attracted to every single time.

If you have been having problems talking to girls you like, here are all some points for you to consider.

The first impression

How she perceives you plays a huge role in her willingness to engage you. Even when you get together, she will never forget that moment when you chat her up for the first time.

The key to success is to ensure that you make her feel good about herself and then start a meaningful conversation she would like to participate in. The secret to a perfect first impression involves getting the timing right, avoiding appearing creepy, being socially relevant and exiting at the right moment.


Timing is of utmost importance when approaching a girl. Do not try to attract a her attention when she is obviously engaged in something else.

For instance, you spot your dream girl in the parking lot of the supermarket. She is talking on the phone while juggling ten grocery bags and is fumbling for her keys. This is not an ideal time to approach her. She is obviously in a hurry. She will not have time to look at you, let alone decide whether you are worth giving her number to.

Do not be creepy

This is of absolute importance when approaching a woman. Compare approaching a woman seated in a park on a sunny day with chasing after a woman who is walking home through the same park at night.

One way of helping a woman feel at ease is by introducing yourself. Introducing yourself will immediately alleviate the creepy factor.

Be socially relevant

The way you approach a woman will vary depending on the time and place of your interaction. Compare complimenting a woman on her legs in a bar and doing the same in a bookstore. Do you expect to get the same reaction?

It would be more relevant to introduce yourself to the woman in the bookstore and say something like, ‘I see you love the classics too. Can you recommend a good one?’ In the same way, asking the woman in the bar which books she likes to read might make her think you are the most boring guy. Good luck getting her number.

What to say to a beautiful woman you just met

Shy or outspoken, you can win her over with your charm as long as you know the right things to say. Do not overthink it. Remember, you are not the only one who is nervous . She is nervous too. Set out to have a good time and you will do just fine.

Sweet things to say to a girl you just met - banter with her.
Girls love banter. Creating an ‘in’ joke and being playful can go along way to creating a connection.

Banter with her

Bantering helps to ease the tension that comes with meeting someone for the first time. It also takes the pressure off yourself. If you can get the girl to relax, smile and have fun early in the conversation, you will win her interest, and you can then confidently carry the conversation further.

What to say to her:

  • You can pretend that she is hitting on you… ‘Uhm, excuse me, my eyes are up here!’
  • Do you mind if I talk to you? My mother always told me to follow my dreams.
  • I was just trying to have a guy’s night out and you totally ruined it. You had to be so beautiful.
  • Your eyes have told me a lot of things. The only thing they have not told me is your name.
  • I saw you checking me out. If I didn’t come and say ‘hi’, I was scared you would follow me home later.
  • Did you save this seat for me?

Remember, this is 99% delivery and not necessarily what you say. The key to saying these lines is to be bold and confident but at the same time playful. No woman wants a man who is too serious.

Give her compliments

Genuine, thoughtful compliments always go down well with girls. They literally can’t get enough of them. Do not be fake in your compliments because she will know. One of the best compliment is about her age. You can tell her that you guess she is 21 and ask to see her ID. Girls love hearing they look young.

Other compliments that you can give her include:

  • You look terrific in that dress.
  • When I saw you I had to come over and tell you, you look beautiful… *otherwise i’d regret it – (*not always necessary)
  • Your smile is glowing today. What has made you so happy?
  • Your eyes are beautiful. Are you wearing contact lenses? (Only give this compliment if you are sure that she is not wearing contact lenses)
  • Great job on the play last night. You played Macbeth perfectly. I was really impressed.
  • You sounded amazing on the violin. When did you learn how to play like that?

Again delivery is critical. Even the best compliment will fall flat if the delivery is not on point:

  • Keep a half smile as you deliver your compliment
  • Maintain eye contact with her
  • Speak softly: this communicates intimacy, and it might make her lean in closer to hear you.

An excellent compliment should lead to more conversation instead of hanging awkwardly in the air. Choose your compliments wisely.

If you were participating in an activity together, tell her how much you enjoyed spending time with her. Let her know the effect her presence had on you.

You could say things like:

  • Spending time with you has been the highlight of my day.
  • I feel comfortable with you. I can really be myself.
  • When I met you this morning, I was sad. Your beautiful smile helped change my mood.
  • Meeting you today is the best thing that has happened to me.
  • You are fun. I have enjoyed spending my day with you.
girl talking with guy at the bar
Putting the spotlight on her is where you both want it during your early conversations

Show interest in the girl

You just met the girl so by now; you do not even know her name. The girl is still a stranger at this point, and she is also still trying to figure out what your deal is and whether she wants to continue talking to you.

So ask for her name, tell her you are delighted to meet her and then express your interest in her by… taking some interest (funnily enough)

You must be approaching her for a reason, figure out what it actually is (not she’s hot, why do you think she is hot) then let her know.

Start by telling her what you think of her…

i.e. I think you look amazing in that … (coat, dress, pantsuit etc.)

Talk about the environment you are in

This is a great one to help bond you early on. Kind of like it’s you two looking at something and forming a view/opinion on it together.

Ask questions about her

After you have established a rapport, you can ask her some questions. Asking questions is a great way to show interest in a woman and take some of the pressure from yourself. Rather than having you come up with things to say, you can spend some time hearing what is in her mind. You will seem thoughtful, and she will find you attractive.

  • If she is reading a book or listening to music, ask her something about it: I like your Harry Potter backpack. Are you a big fan of the books?
  • If she is snacking on something unusual, ask her about it.
  • If she is flipping through a magazine ask her questions to start up a conversation.

After you have established a rapport, you can then move on to some more personal questions:

  • Who is the one person that you think made you who you are today?
  • If you could go anywhere right now, where would you take me? 🙂

The key is to allow the conversation to flow naturally and progressively introduce new questions. Look for things that the two of you have in common and expand on these topics.

Exit fashionably

Here is the trick: always leave on a high note. Many guys make the mistake of approaching a girl, striking up a conversation successfully but then blow it by sticking around too long.

Most of the times, you will meet a woman in social places where there are many distractions. Do not aim at having a deep conversation with her. The most important thing is to make a connection. Do not wait until you have run out of things to say and awkward silences set in. Get her number and leave before that happens. You will have accomplished your goal.

The exception to this rule is if you are undertaking an activity together, like volunteering. In this case, you will be okay because you are not entirely focused on each other.

Trick: Create a ‘time constraint’ when meeting a girl for the first time. Creating a time constraint helps because:

  • It lets the girl know that she only has to put up with your presence for a short time. This way, she will be more motivated to give you her full attention.
  • It helps you to bow out graciously. Since you already established that you have limited time, you can grab her number and excuse yourself the moment you feel the awkward silence approaching.

So say something like:

  • I have to get back to my friends, but I had to tell you how great you look. I really love how you have your own unique style!


Do not interrogate the girl.

Even when you ask her questions, let the conversation flow organically and only introduce new questions when the conversation begins to lull.

Do not try too hard

When you try too hard, you sound unnatural for instance. Showing too much approval for responses is a complete turn-off.

Guy: What do you do for fun?

Girl: Uh… nothing really. My life is pretty boring

Guy: That’s cool sounds like a pretty stress-free life

Do not try to guess things about her

Guys try to do this all the time, but it can easily backfire. It can also come across as a magic trick or some kind of gimmick. You don’t want either of these things when your trying to show her your authenticity.

Do not insult her

Since approaching a girl is pretty nerve-wracking, some guys end up insulting her even without realizing it.

Guy: What do you study?

Girl: I am studying photography.

Guy: Really? How will you ever make money from that?

Compare this response to:

Guy: Really? You must be very driven to get into such a competitive industry as photography!

See how the guy has managed to point out how difficult a career path photography is and at the same time turned it into a compliment. Double score!

Do not be boring

When talking to a girl for the first time, the worst thing you can do is bore her. Firstly she will lose all interest to get to know you better, and she will assume that you are like every other guy who has hit on her before.

Guy: How long have you lived here?

Girl: all my life

Guy: So you like it here then?

Girl: It’s okay

Guy: Yeah I’ve lived here a pretty long time too

Compare the last response to:

Guy: (laughing) you don’t sound too happy about that.

The bottom line

Getting some practice is the key. Using dating apps can be a great place to practice along with the talking to the girls behind the counter at the supermarket, restaurant etc.

Making her smile is the start of a bond.

Thanks for reading this article on what to say to a beautiful woman you just met. If you have any comments or questions you can contact me here.