Dating Tips for Shy Guys – 7 Quick Wins to Help You Get the Girl

Dating tips for shy guys - a shy guy looking at a girl in a cafe

Dating tips for shy guys - a shy guy looking at a girl in a cafe

YOU HAVE A GIRL YOU ARE seriously crushing on, but you cannot muster the courage to get up and meet her. Instead you:

  • Try to figure out if the guy standing to her is her boyfriend
  • Start thinking of an opening line to say to her
  • Get nervous at the thought of looking stupid in front of your friends or getting shot down in front of hers
  • Fear that she will ignore you or worse still, reject you

And then after all the hesitation, guess what happens? The window of opportunity closes, and she goes off somewhere. You are left very frustrated……. until it happens again next time.

The Misconception

A lot of shy guys have a misconception about what it truly means to be an alpha male. Instead of trusting their gut, they have succumbed to their doubts and fears.

“I am broke, short, and ugly. People do not find me interesting.”

Rather than focusing on all their great qualities, shy guys focus only on the negatives. As a result, a guy will keep to himself, hoping to avoid being the center of attention. Unfortunately, even though the guy may have many desirable qualities, they are buried under the layers of his shyness.

The truth of the matter is that you have a lot of offer

So what if you…

  • Do not open up to every person you meet?
  • Don’t compete with other guys just so that you can get your point across?
  • Only open up in the right situation?
  • Are hesitant to jump into a conversation until you have something worthwhile to say?

It’s more normal/average/common than you think

And there is nothing wrong with you.

Being shy is not your identity. It is just one part of who you are. Being shy should not curb your aspirations to date a woman. In fact being shy can sometimes be an asset. You just have to learn how to make it work for you.

Your ‘weakness’ can be your greatest asset. Not every woman is attracted to an arrogant, cocky man.

7 Quick Wins and Dating Tips for Shy Guys

1. Realize that women are just people

Guys place so much pressure on themselves and worry too much about how a girl will perceive them.

When you feel your nerves starting to get the better of you, remind yourself that women are just people. You can be sure that the girl is experiencing a lot of the same insecurities as you and she is just as worried about what you think of her. Do not overthink everything.

Also, there is something surprising about women that you may not know:

They are incredibly forgiving of lame jokes, slips, and blunders…….. As long as they are having fun talking to you. Women do not want perfect; they want fun. So, loosen up and allow yourself room to be less than perfect.

Dating tips for shy guys - a shy guy talking to a girl in a cafe

2. Stack the odds in your favor

Finding and approaching a woman is incredibly difficult for a shy guy. It, therefore, helps if you stack the odds in your favor. Ensure your first impression is impressive.

A woman will notice how you are groomed and how you wear your clothes. Wearing nice clothes also goes a long way in boosting your confidence.

Also, spruce up your wardrobe. You do not have to spend a fortune to look stylish. A few smart casual pieces will improve your wardrobe. Oh, and remember, women always pay attention to your shoes. Always wear something that makes you feel good about yourself rather than what you think every other guy out there is wearing.

3. Play a game you can win

Going to meet girls in clubs is stacking all the decks against you. Why? Women in clubs and bars are hit on all night. Besides, they have their friends in tow. As a result, they are likely to reject a guy who tries to approach them.

Try to meet women in other places: You can try volunteering, attend weddings and other church-related functions or attend your friends’ parties. The point is to minimize competition and increase your confidence.

4. Find common interests

The easiest way to approach a woman is to find common interests. Shared interests take the focus off your attraction and place it somewhere else. The best way to link up with girls with whom you share common interests is to join clubs and groups. When you are in a club or group, doing something you enjoy, you will find it easier to strike up a conversation.

5. Read her signals

Wouldn’t it be nice to know if she is interested in you or not before you approach and start talking to her? Wouldn’t you rather approach a girl already knowing that she has an interest in getting to know you?

We have already established that there are women who like shy guys. However, no matter how much she likes you, a girl will almost never come up and ask for your number.

Unfortunately, it does not work like that.

(She’s testing you to see how much interest you have in her, and she want’s you to prove that by giving her all of your attention – in the form of talking to her)

But if you know what to look out for, a woman will give you subtle signals to show you that she is interested in you.

Unfortunately, research by National Institute of Mental Health shows that men confuse romantic signals of interest with signals of friendship 70% of their time. Research shows that the male brain is simply not hard-wired to pick up on a woman’s subtle cues.

That means you have been walking away from women who are trying to show interest in you

The Signs that a woman is interested in you:

  • She is making ‘long’ eye contact.
  • If you already know each other, she will look for excuses to touch you: a light touch on your hand shoulder and chest. A playful slap on the thigh.
  • She is smiling at you with her eyes.
  • If in a crowded place she will even bump into you by accident to get you to notice her.
  • She constantly places herself close to you: within an earshot or a shoulder tap.

6. Change your outcome

Many guys approach a woman with the intention of getting her phone number, getting a date or making her their girlfriend. They psyche themselves up and become too dependent on the outcome. When things do not go according to plan, the disappointment is astronomical.

But, what if you changed your expectation? What if you focus your mind on building your skills with women? If the woman slips, you will have gained some experience out of the interaction.

Also, since your intention is no longer to get together with the girl, you will appear less needy and, consequently, you will become more attractive.

When you finally score a date with the girl of your dreams do not expect perfection. Do not go out for a date with unrealistic expectations. Your goal should be to have fun together. In due time, you gain the confidence to express your feelings for her.

7. Change the way you view rejection

Many guys make a woman’s response to them to mean something about them personally. If a woman rejects them, they interpret it to mean that they are unattractive and undesirable.

The truth:

  • She may have a boyfriend.
  • She is not interested in meeting new people at this stage of her life.
  • You may not be her type.

When a woman rejects you, it is nothing personal. Be grateful for her feedback: whether it is positive or negative. After all, she doesn’t know you, right?

Finally, consider the following facts

Shyness is not an attribute that you need to distance yourself from. Shyness is humility and modesty and to some women, sexiness.

What you say when you are with a girl doesn’t matter much. Worry less about your words. Focus on your tone. Speak in a positive energy and women will appreciate all you have to say.

So,

Do not avoid social situations. The only way to make them less awkward is to practice them……again and again and again

You can learn social skills. Do not spend time lamenting your weakness: people skills are just that: skills, they can be learned. Do not berate yourself for not having them. Instead set about trying to learn them. There are many resources available for you to learn social skills; starting with the internet.

Thanks for reading this article on dating tips for shy guys. If you have any comments or questions, you can contact me here.

Can Shy Guys Get a Girlfriend? The Strengths of a Shy Guy When it Comes to Meeting Women

Can Shy Guys Get a Girlfriend - Man with long term girlfriend at breakfast table

Can Shy Guys Get a Girlfriend - Man with long term girlfriend at breakfast table

CAN SHY GUYS GET A GIRLFRIEND?

The answer is a resounding YES!

The challenge

The challenge of shy guys finding girlfriends is more an attribute of their beliefs of inadequacies than lack of attraction from the girls. Shy guys feel as if they are at a disadvantage when it comes to finding girlfriends.

Since they are not naturally inclined to chat people up and make small talk with strangers, they believe that their odds of finding girlfriends are much lower than for the more outgoing guys. Shy guys spend so much time stressing over what they cannot do that they completely ignore their strengths.

Can Shy Guys Get a Girlfriend - Taking selfie togetherShy guys perceive themselves as sexually unattractive

According to the experts, shy guys have limiting beliefs that sabotage their love lives. Even when a shy guy has a thriving career and enjoys financial success, he still does not see himself as sexy. Deep down, he is still not confident that women are sexually attracted to him. This “sexual unattractiveness” is a result of faulty stereotypes. It has little to do with objective reality.

The reality

According to research, 40-60 % of adults self-identify as having some degree of shyness. This statistic proves that shy people are more common than we probably think. Indeed, according to Forbes, 40 % of executives describe themselves as introverts.

The list includes Microsoft`s Bill Gates, Uber investors Warren Buffet and Charles Schwab, Avon`s CEO Andrea Jung, and the late Publishing Mogul Katherine Graham. It has been said that the former US president Barrack Obama might be a shy introvert as well.

If you are shy, remember that you are in good company. And chances are if you do not approach the girl, the next shy guy will.

What if you can use your shyness to your advantage?

Shy guys possess one edge over the outgoing men- they can be mysterious. You have a definite advantage over talkative guys who run their mouths and overwhelm girls, leaving very little to the imagination. Girls are intrigued by you and are willing to spend time with you to unravel the mystery.  Girls feel safe and confident around shy guys. Shy guys are also a girl`s dream conversationalist.

There is nothing inherently wrong with you that would prevent you from meeting and having a great relationship with an amazing girl. With a few well-considered strategies, you can get a healthy, long-lasting relationship going.

Indeed, smart girls know that shy guys are diamonds in the rough.

Research shows that a shy guy may have difficulties initiating a relationship but little trouble maintaining intimacy. Once you have met your dream woman, you are at no significant disadvantage in maintaining the relationship.

Harness your strengths

Contrary to what you think, you have more great qualities that make you attractive to girls than you think.

Guy with girl on holidays

You are a great listener

This is actually what sets you apart from other guys.  You would rather learn from others than share your stories. As long as you listen closely, ask follow up questions and show interest, you will be amazed at how easy it is keeping a conversation with a woman going.

Your not all about you

The fact that you do not always have to be the center of attention is also super attractive to girls.

You are a thinker

It is a known fact that shy guys are also deep thinkers. You are a hot commodity. The fact that you think deeply and critically about life shows you have emotional intelligence and a creative mind, which girls find interesting.

You are mysterious

The fact that you are reserved means that you are full of surprises and conversation with you is never boring. She learns information about your life a little bit at a time. A woman would rather be with a guy with a few secrets up his sleeve, instead of a man who lets everybody know everything about him immediately.

Girls indicate that shy guys are less intimidating. You may not believe this, but girls can be intimidated by guys. An introverted guy who does not ooze obnoxious confidence is more enjoyable to be around.

Use your body

Just because you are not good at flirting verbally does not mean that you cannot flirt. Do you slouch when you walk? Do you awkwardly shove your hands into your pockets? This body language is counterproductive to your efforts at finding a girl.

Purpose to build a strong, confident body language and you will begin to feel more confident. Ensure you smile.  Smiling makes you feel less anxious and more positive.

Body Language

Learn to speak in the vocabulary of your body language. While other guys are busy rattling off cheesy pickup lines, you should be busy giving her a friendly smile, and she will notice.

Once you have worked on your body language, dress for success. The right sense of style can give you an added boost to help you project confidence. A strong sense of style will help you make a great first impression, which can open the door to a girl wanting to know more about you.

Have you heard of power posing?

According to research, holding your body in poses that occupy space floods your brain with powerful chemicals that help to lower stress and increase confidence. Projecting strength is possible even when you feel anxious and nervous: upright posture, controlled gestures, a leveled brow, a focused gaze, a low vocal pitch and minimal fillers.

Take baby steps

When you set out to find a girlfriend, do not expect to master the art overnight. Start small and then expand your comfort zone a little every day.

Drop the habits that keep you isolated, lonely and antisocial

Stop playing video games: ditch the computer and exchange it for human interaction. Here are some examples of groups you could join:

  • Bible discussion groups
  • Groups and clubs
  • Salsa dance classes

Start approaching girls: simply push your comfort zone a little at a time. It will be nerve-wracking at first, but you will slowly build your confidence.

  • Start with asking directions: “kindly point me out to the nearest Starbucks.”
  • Then move on to asking girls for their opinions in a department store. Approach a girl and ask them for a female’s opinion: “Hey, can you help me out? I need a girl`s opinion. Between these two shirts, which one is better?”

Be consistent

You will feel awkward, nervous, and uncomfortable and sometimes you will be scared. Comfort will never get you a girlfriend. Discomfort is good. Do not run away from your discomfort.

Instead, make it your campus. Allow your discomfort to lead you to an amazing girlfriend. Discomfort tells you that you are headed in the right direction. Keep moving.

Start where you are comfortable

Do not make it hard when it can be easy. Start with your places of comfort and then you can expand once you have gained the confidence. The strategy is to expose yourself in places where you can be yourself: where the quiet, reserved, kind, compassionate person like you can be noticed.

You will probably be more comfortable approaching girls in parks, quiet streets, and libraries than at clubs, crowded events and concerts and parties. Spiritual communities, volunteer organizations, and cooking classes are some of the forums where you can hope to meet girls who share your values, lifestyles and personal energy.

The wrong environment leads to horrible results because you feel horrible in that environment.

Stop thinking about how to meet any girl. Think about how to meet a girl who is right for you. In your quest to meet a girlfriend, it is crucial that you put yourself in situations where you can meet girls who you are compatible with. If you are shy and introverted, there is every likelihood that the girls you meet in nightclubs and ‘single people events’ will not be compatible with you.

Make your dating life an expansion of your social life

The best way to date without stress is to make your dating an extension of your social life. For instance, being introduced to a girl by a friend is still one of the many ways guys get to meet girls. It removes all the nervousness of meeting a stranger for the first time on your part and settles issues of security for her.  And you already have something in common: mutual friends.

Finally,

Do not give up when you do not get the progress you hope for. And here is the truth: it will not always feel good. Girls will sometimes flake on you; you will not always get the kiss you hope for, and you might even be rejected …..And it sucks.

But,

All these experiences are necessary for your growth. There are no ups without downs. And there are lessons in the valley just as there are on the mountain.  Do not allow relapses to sabotage your success. Fix your eye on the prize and keep moving. You have what it takes to get a girlfriend…. But only if you persevere.

Thanks for reading this guide on Can Shy Guys Get a Girlfriend – The strengths of a shy guy when it comes to meeting women. If you have a comment or question, you can contact me here.

The Ins and Outs of Dating for Shy People – What the Experts Have to Say

Dating for Shy People - Man and Woman on a bench

Dating for Shy People - Man and Woman on a bench

THE DATING SCENE OFFERS UNIQUE CHALLENGES TO THE SHY GUY

Experts indicate that introverts find comfort in their own inner world, as opposed to the outside world. While social interactions energize the extroverted guy, they suck all the energy from a shy guy.

Even when the shy guy wants to be with other people, he does not know how. This is because behind his shyness is extreme self-consciousness. Shy guys worry that other people are constantly judging them, they fear failure and rejection, and they worry that they will be disrespected.

Also, they constantly blame themselves for negative outcomes. A professor of psychology at Indiana University has coined the phrase ‘shy narcissism’.

Shy guys and dating

Experts say that the mind of an introvert is hyperactive; continually indulging in negative fantasies and replaying negative memories. A shy guy will treat every date as a high stakes interaction that he has to get right. He will focus on the reasons a girl may not like him and significantly underplay his good qualities.

He will work hard to make the date perfect. When the date finally happens, he will overthink everything and nervousness will get the better of him.  Eventually, when the date does not go the way he planned it, he will retreat and shut down.

A shy guy does not have to have a hard time dating. Sophia Dembling, who researches and writes about introverts, says that the narrative that shy people should find dating harder is merely a misconception.

Indeed, she says while shy guys may have a harder time meeting the person to date, the dating itself should be easy because introverts are more comfortable in one on one interactions. If the shy guy can get through the hurdle of extracting the woman from the social situation, he will be just fine.

The strengths of a shy guy

In fact, Sophia says that shy guys have many great qualities that give them unexpected advantages to help them thrive in the dating scene if only they would embrace their shyness.

  • Introverts have a tendency for deeper conversations, hence, deeper connections.
  • Their sense of mystery is also attractive to women. Experts indicate that shy guys carry an air of mystery around them. As a result, they are more likely to be pursued than to pursue. How cool is that!
  • Even though women want a strong outgoing man, many women still unconsciously want a man who will not compete for the spotlight with them. They secretly desire a man who will make them slow down and find quiet peace.
  • Introverts are great listeners: Sophia says that one of the most significant contributions of shy guys to the dating scene is their listening skills. Shy guys pay attention, think things through, and ask important questions. This can take a date to another level.

Experts indicate that shy guys attract more women than they realize: it just depends on them to take the first step. Ultimately, the best thing a shy guy can do for himself is to honor his introversion, treat it as something of value; something to showcase on a date.

Dating for Shy People - Man trying to make a move on woman but shy

Other people are shy too

Every shy guy thinks that he is the only one who is shy. You get so nervous about talking to other people and retreat to yourself. As a result, you ignore the thoughts and feelings of other people around you, which prevents you from seeing that other people are not social butterflies either.

Studies show that 30 to 50% of the people are introverts. Chances are, the girl you are interested in is also an introvert.

When at a social function, realize that no one is looking at you. They are looking at themselves, and many of them are also shy. When you want to approach a girl, remember that you both want to impress each other.

Let go of your need to be perfect and instead shift your perspective to providing a girl with fun experience. Maintain that and worry less about whether you are impressing her. Seek to have fun instead.

Be yourself: stick with what works for you.

The biggest mistake that guys make when they are planning a date is to go out of their way to make a big impression. The first inclination is to act differently and take the girl to a new place, as if who you are is not good enough.

Stick to places that feel good

If you do not like noisy places, that is fine. Do not force yourself to take a girl there. If the noise in a club makes you anxious, it will only set you up for failure.

Take her to places that you are comfortable with, where you can be yourself. If things turn out good, great! If they don’t, bad! However, if you pick somewhere new, there is an increased likelihood that things will not turn out good.

Pick something short and fun

One dominant trait for shy guys is exhaustion from long exposure to groups of people. Since we already saw that being around crowds drains energy from shy guys, pick something that is short and punchy.

Your aim should be to create the right combination of time to talk and know each other and at the same time have fun with one another with little talking. This will not only help you to keep your energy up but, you will also let loose without having to worry about anything.

Be your introverted self

Do not assume that every woman wants a loud and outgoing man. Believe in yourself and that you have a lot to offer. If you are not comfortable in your own skin, you will inadvertently sabotage your dating experience because you think that you are not good enough.

If you have a shy attack on a date, rather than freaking out or trying to hide it, admit to it. This gives your date an opportunity to relate or reassure you.

Women’s intuition is stronger than you realize. A woman can see right through your insecurity. And when you muster courage and tell her your intentions and desires, she will find you mature and bold, and she will definitely be impressed.

Focus on the girl during the date

It is most likely that you do not like to talk about yourself and that is perfectly okay. To keep a conversation going, you can make the girl talk about herself. People love to talk about themselves and the things that interest them; give them a chance to do so, and you will immediately win them over.

Focus your attention on your date’s life: hobbies, her job, her travels, and other interests.

Talk to someone about themselves, and they will listen for hours – Dale Carnegie

Asking questions allows the woman to open up while showing her that you really care. This also takes the pressure away from you and helps you relax.

Change your endgame

Part of the frustration during dating comes from your expectations. If you hope that every interaction with a woman will lead to an immediate new friend or partner, you will be greatly disappointed. When you narrow your expectations in such a manner, the outcome is a lot of stress, zero deep interactions, and a lot of frustrations.

What if you change your end game: you simply approach women out of curiosity. The beauty of this approach is that the moment you sense that the conversation is going nowhere, you have full permission to extricate yourself. Meeting the woman becomes your end goal: and you will meet it every time.

Lastly, Do not ruminate.

Shy guys are very hard on themselves. They will go through a past date over and over again. Unfortunately, they will focus on all the small details about what they should have done and didn’t do, and what they did wrong. This strips them of the confidence to organize another date.

In Summary,

Treat every date as a learning experience. Do not beat yourself up for what did not go according to plan. Take the lessons and move forward. Always remember, there are no wasted experiences. Every date helps you to make the next one even better, if you let it.

Thanks for reading this guide on the ins and outs of dating for shy people.

If you have a comment or question, you can contact me here.