Can Shy Guys Get a Girlfriend? The Strengths of a Shy Guy When it Comes to Meeting Women

Can Shy Guys Get a Girlfriend - Man with long term girlfriend at breakfast table


The answer is a resounding YES!

The challenge

The challenge of shy guys finding girlfriends is more an attribute of their beliefs of inadequacies than lack of attraction from the girls. Shy guys feel as if they are at a disadvantage when it comes to finding girlfriends.

Since they are not naturally inclined to chat people up and make small talk with strangers, they believe that their odds of finding girlfriends are much lower than for the more outgoing guys. Shy guys spend so much time stressing over what they cannot do that they completely ignore their strengths.

Can Shy Guys Get a Girlfriend - Taking selfie togetherShy guys perceive themselves as sexually unattractive

According to the experts, shy guys have limiting beliefs that sabotage their love lives. Even when a shy guy has a thriving career and enjoys financial success, he still does not see himself as sexy. Deep down, he is still not confident that women are sexually attracted to him. This “sexual unattractiveness” is a result of faulty stereotypes. It has little to do with objective reality.

The reality

According to research, 40-60 % of adults self-identify as having some degree of shyness. This statistic proves that shy people are more common than we probably think. Indeed, according to Forbes, 40 % of executives describe themselves as introverts.

The list includes Microsoft`s Bill Gates, Uber investors Warren Buffet and Charles Schwab, Avon`s CEO Andrea Jung, and the late Publishing Mogul Katherine Graham. It has been said that the former US president Barrack Obama might be a shy introvert as well.

If you are shy, remember that you are in good company. And chances are if you do not approach the girl, the next shy guy will.

What if you can use your shyness to your advantage?

Shy guys possess one edge over the outgoing men- they can be mysterious. You have a definite advantage over talkative guys who run their mouths and overwhelm girls, leaving very little to the imagination. Girls are intrigued by you and are willing to spend time with you to unravel the mystery.  Girls feel safe and confident around shy guys. Shy guys are also a girl`s dream conversationalist.

There is nothing inherently wrong with you that would prevent you from meeting and having a great relationship with an amazing girl. With a few well-considered strategies, you can get a healthy, long-lasting relationship going.

Indeed, smart girls know that shy guys are diamonds in the rough.

Research shows that a shy guy may have difficulties initiating a relationship but little trouble maintaining intimacy. Once you have met your dream woman, you are at no significant disadvantage in maintaining the relationship.

Harness your strengths

Contrary to what you think, you have more great qualities that make you attractive to girls than you think.

Guy with girl on holidays

You are a great listener

This is actually what sets you apart from other guys.  You would rather learn from others than share your stories. As long as you listen closely, ask follow up questions and show interest, you will be amazed at how easy it is keeping a conversation with a woman going.

Your not all about you

The fact that you do not always have to be the center of attention is also super attractive to girls.

You are a thinker

It is a known fact that shy guys are also deep thinkers. You are a hot commodity. The fact that you think deeply and critically about life shows you have emotional intelligence and a creative mind, which girls find interesting.

You are mysterious

The fact that you are reserved means that you are full of surprises and conversation with you is never boring. She learns information about your life a little bit at a time. A woman would rather be with a guy with a few secrets up his sleeve, instead of a man who lets everybody know everything about him immediately.

Girls indicate that shy guys are less intimidating. You may not believe this, but girls can be intimidated by guys. An introverted guy who does not ooze obnoxious confidence is more enjoyable to be around.

Use your body

Just because you are not good at flirting verbally does not mean that you cannot flirt. Do you slouch when you walk? Do you awkwardly shove your hands into your pockets? This body language is counterproductive to your efforts at finding a girl.

Purpose to build a strong, confident body language and you will begin to feel more confident. Ensure you smile.  Smiling makes you feel less anxious and more positive.

Body Language

Learn to speak in the vocabulary of your body language. While other guys are busy rattling off cheesy pickup lines, you should be busy giving her a friendly smile, and she will notice.

Once you have worked on your body language, dress for success. The right sense of style can give you an added boost to help you project confidence. A strong sense of style will help you make a great first impression, which can open the door to a girl wanting to know more about you.

Have you heard of power posing?

According to research, holding your body in poses that occupy space floods your brain with powerful chemicals that help to lower stress and increase confidence. Projecting strength is possible even when you feel anxious and nervous: upright posture, controlled gestures, a leveled brow, a focused gaze, a low vocal pitch and minimal fillers.

Take baby steps

When you set out to find a girlfriend, do not expect to master the art overnight. Start small and then expand your comfort zone a little every day.

Drop the habits that keep you isolated, lonely and antisocial

Stop playing video games: ditch the computer and exchange it for human interaction. Here are some examples of groups you could join:

  • Bible discussion groups
  • Groups and clubs
  • Salsa dance classes

Start approaching girls: simply push your comfort zone a little at a time. It will be nerve-wracking at first, but you will slowly build your confidence.

  • Start with asking directions: “kindly point me out to the nearest Starbucks.”
  • Then move on to asking girls for their opinions in a department store. Approach a girl and ask them for a female’s opinion: “Hey, can you help me out? I need a girl`s opinion. Between these two shirts, which one is better?”

Be consistent

You will feel awkward, nervous, and uncomfortable and sometimes you will be scared. Comfort will never get you a girlfriend. Discomfort is good. Do not run away from your discomfort.

Instead, make it your campus. Allow your discomfort to lead you to an amazing girlfriend. Discomfort tells you that you are headed in the right direction. Keep moving.

Start where you are comfortable

Do not make it hard when it can be easy. Start with your places of comfort and then you can expand once you have gained the confidence. The strategy is to expose yourself in places where you can be yourself: where the quiet, reserved, kind, compassionate person like you can be noticed.

You will probably be more comfortable approaching girls in parks, quiet streets, and libraries than at clubs, crowded events and concerts and parties. Spiritual communities, volunteer organizations, and cooking classes are some of the forums where you can hope to meet girls who share your values, lifestyles and personal energy.

The wrong environment leads to horrible results because you feel horrible in that environment.

Stop thinking about how to meet any girl. Think about how to meet a girl who is right for you. In your quest to meet a girlfriend, it is crucial that you put yourself in situations where you can meet girls who you are compatible with. If you are shy and introverted, there is every likelihood that the girls you meet in nightclubs and ‘single people events’ will not be compatible with you.

Make your dating life an expansion of your social life

The best way to date without stress is to make your dating an extension of your social life. For instance, being introduced to a girl by a friend is still one of the many ways guys get to meet girls. It removes all the nervousness of meeting a stranger for the first time on your part and settles issues of security for her.  And you already have something in common: mutual friends.


Do not give up when you do not get the progress you hope for. And here is the truth: it will not always feel good. Girls will sometimes flake on you; you will not always get the kiss you hope for, and you might even be rejected …..And it sucks.


All these experiences are necessary for your growth. There are no ups without downs. And there are lessons in the valley just as there are on the mountain.  Do not allow relapses to sabotage your success. Fix your eye on the prize and keep moving. You have what it takes to get a girlfriend…. But only if you persevere.

Thanks for reading this guide on Can Shy Guys Get a Girlfriend – The strengths of a shy guy when it comes to meeting women. If you have a comment or question, you can contact me here.