IF YOU ARE LIKE many guys trying to get better with women, you may think that all you need to appear more confident is do more:
- Say more stuff to her
- Have more techniques to approach her
- Have more pickup lines
Unfortunately, talking too much is the perfect way to turn her off. A woman can always sense when you are over talking because you are nervous.
Why are guys nervous in the presence of women?
It is amazing how relaxed you are around your colleagues and friends, but the moment a pretty girl shows up, you are completely intimidated. Some of the reasons why guys clam up when they are in the presence of girls include:
Putting her on a pedestal
If many guys were to be honest, beautiful girls intimidate them because they (guys) put the girl on a pedestal before they even know her.
They feel as if the girl is a goddess and that they have to prove themselves and impress. Thinking like this will put a lot of pressure on a guy who thinks he always has to impress her and get her to like him.
Some will say that simply thinking this way ridiculous and you should try to talk yourself out of it. But from my experience this doesn’t work. The cure here is to meet (and date) more beautiful women. So that one exposure to a pretty woman isn’t as much of a big deal.
Being too hard on yourself
Many guys’ worst enemy is their own opinions about themselves.
You have a constant stream of thoughts that point out how less than perfect you are. You dwell on how you aren’t good looking; how you have physical flaws that need to be fixed; how you are a loner; that you have never kissed a girl; and that you are a loser…..
If you are too hard on yourself, you become insecure and eventually sabotage any chance you may have to be confident with girls.
While confidence and personality are more attractive to a girl than the things you are dwelling on. And you should consider for a minute that your looks and accomplishments probably don’t matter to a girl nearly as much as you think they do.
It’s hard to actually put in place. But I do have one way to fix this which is a bit of a weird one but it worked for me. Ready…
Create a different personality.
Yep. Instead of simply having you. Have different “you’s”. For instance if your name is John, you now have everyday “John”. And also “Good Time John”.
Everyday you is kinda shy around new people. He does his work and takes care of business at home, at work etc.
Good Time John goes out at night and has fun. He foremost interest is in having a good time and people who want to have a good time.
This is an overly simple explanation, but the theory behind it has helped me personally in many ways.
How to be confident around women
Everyone has their insecurities.
Being confident around beautiful women is not about never feeling insecure. It is about being comfortable in your own skin, and not allowing your insecurities get in the way of your pursuing girls that you are attracted to.
All confidence is acquired and developed. No man is born with confidence.
One big misconception by men that sabotages their efforts is that men have to do something to get the girl. Whether that is impress or talk or demonstrate something, etc.
Truly confident guys know that they DO NOT have to do anything. That it will happen naturally.
Analyze and destroy your self-sabotaging beliefs
Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results. If you have been struggling with feeling confident around girls, it only makes sense to see what scares you and where it comes from.
For instance, let’s say you have approach anxiety. Have you ever stopped to contemplate why you have it? Why should it be so hard to walk up and say ‘hi?’
Maybe in the back of your mind you think that people are out to get you because you were abused or bullied in your past. Or perhaps you are scared by women because your mother smothered you as a child and you always feel inferior around girls.
If you taketime to conduct a thorough analysis, you would possibly realize that most of your anxiety has nothing to do with the girl standing in front of you.
Instead it comes from experiences at various stages of your youth and adolescence. If you objectively examined what went wrong and sought for ways to deal with your past situations, you would move forward in your dating life.
Manage your expectations
Many guys fear to go to women out of fear of rejection. They are insecure, and they take rejection too seriously. Expecting to always score a date or a relationship after approaching a girl is putting way too much pressure on yourself.
Change your mindset. The worst thing that a girl can do is to say no.
The first thing you need to realize is that rejection is not personal and it may be as a result of things you have absolutely no control over.
Regardless of your game or lack thereof, many times you will be rejected. Rejection is not meaningful until you empower it.
Also, do not put too much meaning into your interaction with her. Would you care if a random guy you did not know decided that he did not particularly like you? Then, why do you allow the opinion of a girl you have only briefly interacted with matter so much to you?
Treat an attractive girl the same casual way you would treat a friend or an unattractive girl.
Do not pedestalize the girl
The ability to take a girl off the pedestal is the difference between being successful with girls and being unsuccessful.
Treating the girl you are attracted to like a regular person and not like an idol is critical to your success. Treat her with dignity and respect her, but do not let her hold power over you while you grovel at her feet.
As stated above the best way to cure this is to meet more women. The more interactions you have, the less important each one becomes.
Take it one step at a time
The idea of approaching a woman and carrying out a conversation beyond the initial ‘hi’ can be daunting for many guys. However, you can gain confidence in your conversation skills through practice.
Start by saying hi’ to women as you walk down the street. You don’t even have to start a conversation; just smile, say ‘hi’ and don’t break your stride.
This may sound all too simple but make a habit of it. Get friendly with the girls you regularly see; at the coffee shop, the fast food place, the library. Make a few remarks as you order: get them to make a suggestion and engage them in a brief chat. With time, you will get comfortable talking to women, and you will build some confidence.
Gradually start to throw out some banter and then seek to further the interaction by making the conversation personal. Within no time, you will find that you can build sexual tension.
The point is always seeking to build your skills by taking your next interaction a step further than the previous one. Keep at this, and you will be confidently talking to women in no time.
Just go for it
When you want to approach a woman, you probably find yourself hesitating.
Unfortunately, when you hesitate, your mental barrier kicks into place. It becomes even harder to approach the girl. The longer you think about whether you should approach a girl or not, the more anxious you will feel. As such, you need to act more upon that first impulse.
Your first impulse is your best shot at actually approaching and talking to a girl. All the thinking that you do after the initial intention to approach only serves to scare you.
If you don’t move fast, you will either talk yourself out of approaching the girl or do it awkwardly. If you wait to feel utterly confident to approach a girl, the chances are that it will never happen. Give yourself a few seconds and get your feet moving towards the girl.
Momentum is an incredible thing. It is hard to get moving, but once you start moving, it is hard to stop.
One last tip
Do you still need some extra push to gain confidence? You can use affirmations before approaching the girl. Tell yourself something positive:
The outcome doesn’t matter; I am sexy; women enjoy talking to me.
Have a few affirmations that resonate with you to get motivated to get out there and do it.
The final approach
The beauty with approaching women is that there is so much you are in control of:
- You decide whom to approach
- Your attitude towards the girl
- Where you are comfortable approaching
- How long you want the interaction to last
- How you treat the outcome of the interaction
When you realize how much power you have over the situation, you will feel empowered and much more confident to approach girls.
Do not give your power away by pedestalizing the girl, looking down upon yourself and assigning too much meaning to rejection.